I - Ice Hockey

Ice Hockey: thing, sport

I started playing Ice Hockey when I was 4 or 5. I was never very good at it, despite it being in my genes, with both my Dad and my maternal Grandpa playing at the collegiate level. I remember learning to skate pushing a chair, and I remember fondly being out on the ice and going to weekend tournaments (whether I liked it back then, I don't remember). The first team I played for was Wheeler. Our colors were blue and red. I cried until I wet my pants and had to go home when I got my first penalty in Squirt-D (because I didn't do anything wrong! I slipped and my skate hit the other kid's skate. It was ice. Ice is slippery and 5 year olds have no balance). I remember also being so proud that I used a skill that we did in practice in a game. I couldn't figure out why the coaches weren't happy that, when a puck came at me, I effortlessly lifted one foot to glide on one skate and let the puck go under it just like we did for 10 minutes at the practice.

I remember switching to the Piedmont team (Yellow and Blue) for my last two seasons, but I don't remember why. I liked playing on that team, and I think I even scored some goals (okay, so I know that I had 7 goals in my entire official hockey career (and a shut-out, but it was a squirt-d game where everyone took turns being goalie and there were not even pads)). The thing that I liked the most about hockey was being on a team with my friends and getting to play outside, or run around in the arenas. I also remember family fans, and the little yarn pom-pom decorations that the mom's would wear. My grandpa offered to pay 1$ for a goal and .50c for an assist, but I didn't want him to waste his retirement fund on me, so I made sure he didn't have to pay out too often.

In 5th grade I quit hockey because my best friend did and we took up skiing. I don't remember the exact specifics, but I have a feeling it had to do with the fact that in Minnesota they know where you're going to end-up hockeywise by the time you're 5 or 6. I was never going to amount to anything so it was time to be shunted off into permanent rec-league status, while many of my friends would have gotten to be on the coveted "Traveling Teams" and have important tournaments and rigorous practices, and summer hockey. In essence I'd lose what I loved most about hockey, skating and having fun with my friends. I honestly don't remember the win-loss outcome of any game I played, but I remember playing pretty vividly.

I was kind of anti-hockey for awhile (because skiing was king). I got back into it when I moved in 7th grade, mostly from playing NHLPA 93 on my neighbor's SEGA Genesis (go Jagr, go Penguins). Of course I got NHL 94 for SNES (best sports game of all time). Moving also meant living in the Duluth East High School district. The hockey team there was the best in the state for the 4 years I attended (4 trips to the big show, 1 championship, 2nd place, 3rd place and they won it again the year after I graduated), and as a band member, I went to all of them. The East Pep-Band years are their own story, but it was awesome.

In college I considered playing club hockey, but some of the guys on the team (not most of them - really only one) were jerks to me at the one practice I went to (also I had no real equipment, aside from the stuff I borrowed from my dad, and I wasn't good enough to keep up). Instead I just skated on the Bald Spot in the winter (and made a very good friend from doing that), and tried to play Intramural and pick-up when it happened.

I wish that I had played more Pond Hockey when I was younger, but I try to make up for it when I'm home now

Now, in Maryland, I'm the assistant coach of our JV Ice Hockey team (we don't have a varsity), which makes me laugh a little bit, because I'm not even qualified to coach rec hockey in Minnesota. We've one some JV championships, and had teams with boys (and girls) ranging from literal non-skater to guys that went on to play Junior Hockey in Canada. It's an awesome experience, and I think I enjoy it the most because I get to skate and play at our weekly practice (yes, 1 per week), even if I have to drive the bus. It's never a dull team, to watch or coach, and we have awesome fans.

I still use the shin guards that I stole from my Dad that are likely older than I am.

P - Prom

Prom: thing, event

I only went to prom my senior year. I went because I wanted an excuse to go to Red Lobster for dinner (because I'm classy). Luckily, I went with a good friend and had a lot of fun (there was a Limo, and, yes, Red Lobster). The theme was "Moondance" like the Van Morrison song, which was very fortunate, as the following year was, I believe, some sort of miserable "Titanic" theme. For after-prom, a few friends came over to my house and we watched "Catch-22".

I've been a Prom Chaperone for the past few years. Until now it's been an easy gig. Wear a Suit, get fed well, sit on a balcony at a country club and prevent kids from getting their Prom Swerve On on the golf-course fairway. This year, though, it's On A Boat in Baltimore.

P - Pranks

Pranks - action

I haven't pulled a lot of pranks, at least not mean ones. Getting pranked usually just makes me nervous or anxious (like when people hide things, I just worry that I've misplaced them or I've lost my mind).

There were some pretty good pranks that I witnessed, or heard about, at The-camp-I-used-to-be-affiliated-with. Perhaps someday I will record them if I choose not to unremember them.

The best April Fools Day I ever committed was my senior year of High School. I borrowed (my band director) Torm's office phone to call home and tell my Mom that I had to drop band so that I could take Biology and a Foreign Language in order to graduate (Because I didn't do those things in HS). Torm was in the room as I called, and it shocked him. Mom wasn't home, so It was on the answering machine. For some reason my Dad got home first and heard it even before my Mom did (I think). It was, of course, not true, but I had everyone fooled.

SEE ALSO: Band, Biology, Pontoon Boats,

C - Cheerleaders

Cheerleaders: thing, people

I was in band in high school. Part of pep band meant making fun of Cheerleaders (except the cool ones that were guys from Band (yes, I said, "cool," and "guy cheerleaders" in the same sentence).
Most of our band cheers involved milk of some kind, usually replacing key words in actual cheers.
("What about our Colors? Red/Grey" became "What about our Milk? skim/2%".


SEE ALSO: heroes, Heroes, Milk, Pi

M - Milk

Milk: thing, beverage

When at all possible I drink Skim Milk. I like to drink it after a work-out, or with oreo cookies, or cereal. I rarely drink it on its own. I don't dislike the other types (people who are picky about milk type, like non-crust-eaters, are a big pet-peeve of mine (though occasionally I am that guy)), but I choose Skim 95% of the time. Whole milk is a special treat.

I also like Soy Milk and Almond Milk and sometimes buy those.

I miss referring to Milk by the color of the cap. I disliked drinking milk out of a carton because of the wet flaky paper, which was especially bad if you didn't get a good clean opening on the first try. I preferred the bag-milk because you got a straw and you could inflate them into 'footballs' afterward (though they were far more dangerous for pranks and hooliganism).

I got in trouble in Kindergarten for being vocally proud of myself for finishing my entire Milk carton for the second consecutive day. Lesson: never be proud of yourself for drinking milk.

I remember using empty Milk Jugs as swimming aids when I was very young.

At the-camp-I-used-to-be-affiliated-with, I remember going on a crusade to get some friends to drink Milk at meals instead of Mountain Dew. I even made a Milk(tm) poster of myself (with Hans' help). I'll post it if I find it.

Milk provides Calcium, which makes strong bones, including spine bones. Bones are white and milk is white, and the color white is the color of the pure-driven snow (and the color of purity, but NOT for racial reasons). Therefore it was an official beverage of the Fat Boy Society and THEOOTBSC.

SEE ALSO: secret societies, Cheerleaders

W - Wolf Shirt

Wolf Shirt: thing, trend

The kids these days, apparently, are into Wolf Shirts. I'm pretty sure I had an actual non-ironic wolf shirt in the mid 90s: black, with a wolf howling at some stars with some purple aurora borealis action. Or a guy I knew did, I don't remember. It might still be in the T-shirt archives back home.

SEE ALSO: T-shirt,

B - Band Room

Band Room: place

During my senior year of high school I spent 4 of 7 periods per day in the Band Room. Wind Ensemble (period 1, trumpet, then horn), Concert Band (per 2, horn), Study Hall (per 4, which overlapped the two other band periods), and Jazz Band (per 7).

SEE ALSO: French Horn, Study Hall, Spam,

F - French Horn

French Horn: thing

I played trumpet for most of my Middle/High School years. In my senior year, I decided that I wanted to learn French Horn. I signed up for Concert Band and borrowed a Horn from the school.

French Horn is hard, what with the hand in the bell and the thumb key and the conical-bore mouthpiece. There's even a book about it called Devil to Play. There are almost as many French Horn jokes as there are Viola jokes. (ex. "Q: How do you make a ______ sound like a French Horn? A: stick your hand in the bell and play wrong notes.). I wasn't very good at it, but it was a lot of fun. The dumb substitute orchestra teacher (part of being a horn meant having to play in orchestra) openly ridiculed us once.

Halfway through the year, Torm asked if I could switch to Horn in Wind Ensemble. I thought about it for a little bit and then decided that I could bail on the trumpet section, because percentage-wise, the French Horn section was the coolest in band (Pound for Pound the trombones were coolest). French Horn morning sectionals usually involved breakfast. It also meant a much larger instrument cubby.

French horns sound really cool when played really loudly, or when they get to make the whooping noises.

I haven't played the horn since I graduated.

P - Politics

Politics: thing

In, I think, 3rd grade I was either president or vice-president of the Stamp collecting club in my class. It didn't last very long, and I wasn't any good at collecting stamps.

In 9th grade someone in civics class convinced me that it would be a good idea to run for class treasurer. I didn't win (which is good), and, in hindsight, I think they were trying to put one over on me.

I was also the Vice-President of Band my senior year. I don't remember exactly what it entailed, but I'm pretty proud of that one.

I wouldn't make a very good politician in general.